December 13, 202@

Hey Brian,

Ever since my children left me I've lost the markers of time. Days flow together. One day is no different than the next. It's not like I have the wonder of Christmas to wake up to, to see what Santa Claus has brought Breeanna.  

I look at other families in awe knowing that they have it all, the time markers, things that make other things real, shared moments.

I've had my day in the sun and it is what it is.  

I can deal. I can cope. I'm a stoic. Discomfort is my comfort zone. I'm a realist.

Now, all of a sudden, I get another chance at family, at making things special, at marking time, at cherishing moments. It's back to the chocolate factory for me where things are routinized. We work on the clock with the conveyor belt of time. Christmas then New Year. Yes. I have to get you a puppy for Christmas or shortly thereafter. It's my quest. The satisfaction of your happiness. Yes. You're getting an Xbox because I can't imagine anything that I would want more in life. Christmas, being the commercial product churning machine, works efficiently.

Then there's New Year. New Year has never been my thing. I know it's an Asian tradition and all but I'm westernized so it's a business accounting device. I suppose it's something we have to change because your time is precious. You've survived another of Earth's orbit around the sun. That's worth celebration.  

Now. I have you. Like I used to have the kids, when life was crazy, disorderly, and fun.  

So what will our lives be like? I'm going to make it amazing. That's my job. Amazing maker. I love you with every breath that I take. And I know that life is shit, or it can be. But it can also be something else...breathless. Thrilling, beyond adventure. It can be all that if we make it. 

So I lay in my bed without you because you got shit to attend to. I am totally disgusting because the hot water heater has been out for three days but in my mind I know that I'm special to you.  

And that is the world.

You're so much a man that fills my heart. I love the air that I breathe because you allow me to share with you the things that I find delightful.  

Betty Bassett